Anxiety is a universal human experience, yet many of us struggle with how to manage it effectively. In a recent episode of the Lift and Make Lighter podcast, hosts Tom Telford and Preston Houser sat down with licensed marriage and family therapist Liza Telford to discuss anxiety, stress, and how parents and coaches can better support youth navigating mental health challenges.
Liza brings years of expertise in therapy and a deep understanding of how anxiety manifests in both kids and adults. This blog post explores key insights from the discussion, including why anxiety isn’t something to be “cured,” how to recognize unhealthy coping mechanisms, and ways to foster resilience in teens.
What Is Anxiety?
A common misconception is that anxiety is something to be eliminated. In reality, anxiety is a natural response designed to prepare us for challenges. Liza explains that anxiety is simply a preparatory chemical reaction—our body’s way of gearing up for an event or stressor.
For example, feeling anxious before a big test, race, or social event is completely normal. The problem arises when this natural response becomes overwhelming or is misunderstood, leading individuals to feel out of control. Understanding anxiety as a tool rather than a burden can help both parents and kids navigate these emotions more effectively.
The Role of the Amygdala in Anxiety
At the heart of our anxiety response is the amygdala—a small but powerful part of the brain that acts like a smoke detector. Just as a smoke alarm doesn’t distinguish between burnt toast and an actual house fire, the amygdala responds to both minor and major stressors in the same way: by triggering the body’s fight-or-flight response.
Liza describes how naming your amygdala (hers is named “April”) can help externalize anxious feelings and make them more manageable. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, you can acknowledge your body’s reaction: “Thank you, April. I hear you, but I’ve got this.” This type of self-talk can be incredibly grounding in moments of stress.
How to Help Kids Manage Anxiety
Many teens (and adults) say they just want anxiety to “go away.” However, since anxiety is a natural response, the real goal should be learning to manage it effectively. Liza offers practical strategies to help children and teens cope:
- Movement Matters: Anxiety creates a rush of energy in the body. Sitting still during a panic attack can make it worse. Encourage movement—rolling ankles, stretching, or even taking a short walk—to help dissipate the stress chemicals.
- Temperature Shifts: Removing a hoodie or putting on socks can regulate body temperature and ease anxiety.
- Box Breathing: Deep, intentional breathing (inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four) helps restore balance in the body and calm the nervous system.
- Understanding the Timeline: A panic attack typically lasts about 20 minutes. Knowing that it will pass can provide reassurance during an episode.
By teaching kids that anxiety is temporary and manageable, we empower them to navigate challenges rather than fear them.
The Rollercoaster Parent Analogy
Liza introduces a powerful metaphor for parents: the rollercoaster. Imagine your child is on an emotional rollercoaster. They may be experiencing highs and lows, frustration, excitement, or stress. As a parent, your role isn’t to jump on the ride with them and mirror their emotions. Instead, your job is to stand beside the ride with a “Coke and a churro,” offering support and stability.
Matching a child’s anxious energy by reacting emotionally can escalate situations. Instead, parents can provide calm reassurance: “That sounds really tough. I’m here for you.” Creating a safe, non-judgmental space allows kids to process emotions rather than feel attacked or dismissed.
Recognizing and Addressing Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Everyone copes with stress in some way. The key is recognizing whether those coping mechanisms are helpful or harmful.
Liza suggests viewing coping strategies on a spectrum rather than labeling them as “good” or “bad.” On the left side are unhealthy coping mechanisms (e.g., avoidance, excessive screen time, or substance use). On the right are healthier options (e.g., physical activity, journaling, or talking with a trusted adult). Instead of shaming kids for unhealthy coping habits, help them shift toward healthier strategies over time.
When to Seek Professional Help
It’s natural for kids to experience mood swings and stress, but significant shifts in behavior may indicate deeper struggles. If a child suddenly stops participating in activities they once enjoyed, isolates themselves, or shows extreme agitation, it might be time to have a conversation about seeking professional support.
Therapy is most effective when the child feels they have a choice in the process. Rather than forcing therapy as a “fix,” parents can introduce it as an option: “If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, we can help you find the right person.” Reducing stigma around therapy can make a huge difference in a child’s willingness to seek help.
Final Thoughts: Cultivating Resilience
Parenting and coaching require patience, flexibility, and a willingness to adapt. By shifting how we talk about anxiety, helping kids develop practical coping skills, and creating an open dialogue about mental health, we can build resilience in the next generation.
Whether you’re a parent, coach, or someone navigating your own mental health journey, remember: anxiety isn’t something to be feared—it’s something to be understood and managed. And sometimes, all we need is a deep breath, a little movement, and a reminder that we’ve got this. If you’re interested in learning more about this topic, click here for the full podcast episode.