At LÉVO mental health care, the belief is simple: collaborative conversations lead to better outcomes in mental health. This special edition of Lift and Make Lighter brings that belief to life with a candid roundtable between Dr. Austin Heaps and Jake Holbrook, alongside the host who frames the conversation and invites a deeper look at what many men are carrying.
This episode is direct and honest. It names patterns that show up in real homes, real relationships, and real bodies. It talks about why men often suffer quietly, what happens when purpose starts slipping, and why “fixing it” is not always the move that heals.
For anyone who wants the full conversation first, start here: watch the episode on YouTube.
Why this episode matters right now
Men are not short on responsibility. Many are overloaded with it. The hard part is that responsibility can look like strength from the outside while it feels like pressure, fear, or loneliness on the inside.
In this conversation, we hear something many men live but rarely say out loud: the very things men love most, a spouse, children, a mission, a career, can also feel heavy. That does not mean those things are unwanted. It means carrying them well requires skills and support, not silence and grit alone.
This is exactly why Lift and Make Lighter exists. This community is built to help people gather tools, build language for what is happening internally, and find the next right step.
Meet Jake Holbrook and Dr. Austin Heaps
This episode is powerful in part because both guests speak from lived experience and from professional practice.
Jake Holbrook shares openly about sobriety, a painful season of life, and a major pivot from sales into mental health, including years in community mental health, hospitals, and later private practice. He brings the steady voice of a therapist who has sat with trauma, addiction, and purpose loss across many seasons.
Dr. Austin Heaps shares his path into mental health care through nursing, time in high-intensity medical settings, years at the VA, and the work of supporting people through trauma and life transitions. He also speaks as someone who understands what it means to carry responsibility and still feel something is “off” inside.
The framework that guides better outcomes: bio, psycho, and social
One of the most useful parts of this episode is the clarity around a simple idea: outcomes improve when the approach is whole-person.
The conversation highlights the biopsychosocial model:
- Bio: the body and brain, including assessments, sleep, hormones, physiology, and treatment options
- Psycho: therapy, meaning-making, coping tools, emotional processing, and behavioral change
- Social: relationships, community, connection, and how people are supported in the context of real life
At LÉVO mental health care, this whole-person lens is central to how care is approached. Mental health does not live in one box. People do not heal through one lane.
How men are suffering today, and why it often stays invisible
This episode names two core themes that show up again and again in men’s mental health:
1) Disempowerment and the slow erosion of worth
Jake describes a pattern many men fall into with good intentions: elevating others while minimizing themselves. It can start small, deferring every choice, shrinking needs, avoiding conflict. Over time, that can become a deeper internal story that says needs do not matter, worth is conditional, and purpose is tied only to production.
When that story grows, anxiety and depression often follow. Some men hit it during midlife. Some hit it after kids leave home. Some hit it early in adulthood when identity is still forming.
The key point is not “men have it worse.” The point is that many men are not taught how to hold worth without earning it through output.
2) Isolation and the loss of male friendships
The conversation also highlights how isolation has increased for many men. When male friendships shrink, men often put all emotional dependence on a spouse or partner. That creates pressure on the relationship and leaves men without the kind of peer support that helps stress move through the body instead of staying trapped inside it.
When support is limited, coping tends to drift toward numbing and avoidance.
The fourth trauma response men rarely name: fawn
This episode also touches on a trauma response that often flies under the radar: fawn.
Many people know fight, flight, and freeze. Fawn shows up as appeasing, minimizing needs, and avoiding conflict by becoming whatever is required to keep the peace. It can look “nice” on the surface while it quietly drains identity and self-respect.
When fawning becomes the default, resentment often builds. Then men feel confused, because they have done everything “right,” yet something still feels bitter or empty.
The “fix it” reflex, and why it breaks connection
One of the most relatable moments in the episode is the conversation about systems and solving. Many men are wired to fix problems, and that can be a genuine strength.
The problem is that relationships are not machines. When a partner is in pain, the “fix it” reflex often becomes a way to avoid feeling helpless, afraid, or inadequate. Fixing can become self-protection rather than care.
Jake uses a well-known example, “It’s Not About the Nail,” to illustrate the mismatch. Often the person in pain is not asking for a solution. They are asking to be heard.
This is a core relationship skill: learning when to solve and when to stay present.
When men do not feel safe to be vulnerable
Dr. Heaps describes something many men have experienced: the fear that vulnerability will reduce respect.
Men may want a connection with a spouse or partner, but they do not want to be seen as weak. Some men believe their role is to be the rock. They carry “grenades” internally, emotions and experiences that feel too explosive to share. They hold them in until the pressure shows up as irritability, shutdown, health issues, or relationship conflict.
The episode offers an important reframe: therapy is not about getting soft. Therapy is about getting sharper.
That means building the capacity to feel what has been avoided, learning how to communicate without exploding, and choosing how to lead with integrity instead of fear.
Young men, porn, gaming, and the search for values
A segment of this conversation focuses on younger men. Both guests describe patterns that are showing up frequently:
- isolation
- compulsive habits, including porn and gaming
- difficulty forming healthy relationships
- confusion about values and identity
- a sense of being lost, especially after breakups or failures
This is not framed as shame. It is framed as a signal. When men do not have community, mentors, and purpose, they often reach for quick dopamine and short-term escape.
A practical takeaway from this section is the value work. Many young men struggle to name their top values, and without values, decisions feel random and relationships feel unstable.
Veterans, purpose, respect, and the hard transition home
Dr. Heaps brings in his VA experience and describes a deep theme among veterans: the loss of meaning after returning to civilian life.
Many veterans held a role that felt important. They were skilled. They were needed. Then they come home, and life can feel flat, disconnected, or even absurd compared to the intensity they lived through.
That transition can include grief, anger, numbness, and a crisis of purpose. The episode connects this loss of purpose to suicidality in a straightforward way: when men cannot see a path to meaning, they can begin to believe there is no point.
This is why whole-person care and community matter. Purpose is not a luxury. It is protective.
Let go, let it break, then rebuild
One of the most memorable pieces of advice in this episode is the idea of letting go. Dr. Heaps shares a metaphor about letting the vase break, then deciding what to do with the pieces.
This is not a call to chaos. It is a call to honesty.
Some systems need to break because they were built around fear, perfectionism, or the false belief that worth must be earned through performance. When those systems break, men can rebuild with better materials: self-respect, clarity, emotional safety, and purpose that is not dependent on constant proving.
Practical steps men can start today
This episode offers real direction, not only ideas.
Find purpose with a short list and a smaller daily action
Jake shares a practice that helps people identify purpose. Write down a list of 25 things you want, then narrow it down. Most people cannot pursue more than a few well at once. When purpose becomes clear, daily choices become easier.
Identify what you are afraid to feel
One of the strongest therapy questions shared is: What are you afraid to feel? Avoidance fuels addiction and numbness. Naming the fear is often the first crack of light.
Win the morning, or win the moment
Dr. Heaps points to a practical idea: win the mornings, or win the moment. This is not about bubble baths unless that truly helps. It is about consistent self-care that fits real life, sleep, movement, sunlight, service, and habits that stabilize the brain.
Reach out before the last straw
If the thought is “nothing will fix this,” that is the moment to involve support, not the moment to isolate further.
A next step that can make things lighter
If this episode feels personal, it is worth paying attention to that. Many men do not need a dramatic breakdown to justify getting help. Men need support when life feels heavy, when purpose feels blurry, when relationships feel strained, or when coping is turning into escape.
Start with get started with LÉVO to explore support options, assessments, and care that respects the whole person. For ongoing learning and tools, keep up with the Lift and Make Lighter podcast.